Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
