Your mouth is God's brothel.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize