I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
