i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
