Soap is not a condiment
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
