Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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