dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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