Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
