and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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