This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
