Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
