walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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