Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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