I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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