what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
