nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is Oprah even human
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
