oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
