Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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