from now on my penis is your penis
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
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Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize