hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
