Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
