Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
