clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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