Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
