The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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