also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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