My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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