You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
