is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
worst night to have a conscience
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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