We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i out mim tonsoeep
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