dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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