I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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