So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
