so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
