Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
