I have demons in me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
