I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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