im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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