That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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