Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
