Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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