At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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