You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
