I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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