you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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