I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
