mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
