if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
