When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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