There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
