Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
