Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
