you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
