It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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