doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
