Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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