totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
