So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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