Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
