Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
