this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
