Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
