Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
