It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
