I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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