I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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