i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
