Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think my moral compass just broke
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
